No Bullsh*t Juice



If there’s one thing that having an autoimmune and an inflammatory disease has taught me is that eating and drinking the right things is a pain in the ass. Royally. I can’t sugar-coat it in any way- I can’t put any sugar on it at all because it’s horrible for us (get it? Boom tsss.).

Terrible puns aside, I do try to get at least one juice in a day. Of course that goal doesn’t happen most days, but having one does get me mentally and physically back on track with what I want my health goals to be.

Before I tell you the components of this juice, I want to tell you it’s completely customisable and the ingredients I use these ingredients because they have great properties that help promote a healthy tum, low on sugar, anti-inflammatory but actually tasted great. No, I don’t want bloody beetroot juice in my drink, I can’t eat celery and for the love of all things holy, get it away from me.


I don’t use plain water. It makes my juice taste watery no matter how much stuff I put into it. Instead I use coconut water. What type? Whatever’s on sale that doesn’t have hidden crap in it. I can’t do coconut water by itself, but in a juice it just makes all of the other ingredients taste better. Next!


If Elle from just a few years ago were watching me now, she’d be laughing and wondering if I’ve turned into “A whiny health nut that says ‘kale’ constantly”. No, not a health nut (I could be healthier and somehow nuttier) but we need everything we can at this point, so shoving in some greens will do the trick. What do I use? Kale or spinach, since it’s readily available, while other greens can be rare to find or just not to my taste. I usually put in a handful’s worth for a single serving. If you’re like me though and need to watch your thyroid levels, you might want to swap the raw greens with already steamed and frozen greens (my sister buys frozen spinach already steamed) or be very modest with it.


Seeing as I can’t eat wheat and not many grains, my fibre can lack. You could be the same, so hear me out on this because you might think I’ve really lost my ‘nanas. Taking the main ingredient in Metamucil, psyllium husk, and two edible clays (bentonite and diatomaceous), I mix these together and keep it in a jar in my pantry. For my juices, I put a heaped tablespoon, a little less if I haven’t had it in a while. Now, you might just go ‘Okay why am I still reading this crazy clay-eating chick’s stupid entry about a damn juice’, but look, it’s for good reason. This blend is usually used as a parasite/ bug killer and an intestinal sweep. So while you’re putting good stuff in, you might as well try to take some bad stuff out.
I should put a disclaimer and remind you that psyllium husk thickens when added to liquid, so if it gets a strange, gluggy look to it, it’s okay!


I need something sweet. I can’t just have some carrot and kale juice and feel content, however I know I can’t just shove sugar right into it. I use fruits that I’m able to currently allowed (given my health issues) so berries and acai (I cut half a piece of these acai) are great because of the low sugar content and the awesome stuff in them.


Just to bump it up, I usually had chia seeds (pre-prepped by suspending the seeds in water to swell them) and sometimes, a tiny bit of kelp powder. You do not want to put too much kelp unless you love that seaweed-y smell and taste.


I don’t have a Thermomix or anything like that. I’m poor. With a cat. That really likes to eat. However I do have a Nutribullet and it’s great because I make exactly enough for one serving.



Other realm powers not included.


There you have it, when all else fails or I go on a bad food bender, I go to an easy juice that packs a punch right to the gut without any real exotic ingredients that you can’t pronounce… except maybe acai (ahsahee? Aksiiighhieieiiii?).
Sure, you could make a fruit salad and sprinkle your extras on, but sometimes when you’re picky like me and don’t like half the ingredients by themselves but want the convenience and the cost effectiveness of frozen ingredients, you can’t go wrong.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.