Last August I penned a Before 30 List for myself which had the mini-goals I wanted to achieve before turning 30. Well, this weekend I turned 30. I thought I’d be shit-scared, have a nice 30-year-mark-mental-breakdown, but so far I’m… pretty okay.
As I said in my earlier post, the idea of turning the 3-0 left me in two polar states; one being nonchalant about celebrating my birthday, and the other an anxiety-riddled depression. The latter was winning and filling up most of my days and, more annoyingly, the nights. It wasn’t so much what other people thought (although I do admit, for the first time in my life, I made other people’s opinions break through my mental walls), it was what I was telling myself, what I wanted for my future and the fact I was turning 30 was supposed to represent something. It was supposed to be a point where I can look at the few years I had behind me and go “wow, I’ve done a lot, and I’m doing pretty great now”. Yet I was looking back and seeing years of being mentally and physically unwell, to the point where it eroded away all the attempts I made to better my life – usually my career.
So, to help myself along and give me some little goals, I made my Before 30 List-
With my goals in hand, I gave myself until March 2017 – 7 months – to knock some of these off the list and helping myself.
I have done 2.
You’re probably thinking “Well, I guess she had a breakdown?”, but no, I didn’t. Since August I have looked for a new place to lived, moved, got settled, had Christmas, had almost all family birthdays and then before I knew it it was my own birthday.
I mean, I’ve read more books and watched more movies and tv shows, I’ve tried (and right now have relapsed) into my sugar habit, I’m in the process of going through my clothes, I’m trying to walk and meditate every day but still getting used to a new routine. I’m actually going pretty okay, though. I have surprised myself with how well I’m coping.
I’ve only had one hiccup. A few days ago, a crushing depression decided to wake me up, much like a cat that sits on your chest only not as furry and no Dine Succulent Chicken halitosis being sucked into your nasal cavity. I can’t remember what it was about, but it had me in that funk that being still and not doing anything mentally always does to me.
The only thing 30-year-old Elle is contending with right now is having a period and a sore-as-hell back (by the way, having your period START on your birthday? About as fun as it sounds). Everything else, including the items on my list above, are all goals I’m happy to complete in this 30 ‘Level Up’. I’ve actually made a ‘mind map‘ of my goals which helps break them down into categories. I highly recommend it (mine had a lot of inspiration from Jenny Blake, a former Google career coach and job strategist).
So if you’re nearly 30 or nowhere even close to it, do yourself a favour and ease up on your worries about getting older and feeling like you have nothing to show for it. The fact that you’re ALIVE and have MADE it this far is a great feat, that you’re not alone and so many of us are struggling against our own (let alone society’s) pressure on us. Even if you have to work in a shitty place at a shitty job with shitty-ass people, if you give yourself 10 minutes a day, a week, doing something you want to and enjoy, you should be elated and proud of yourself for that.